Yami No Hikari
by Neko-chan -Silvered Tongue
Summary: [Side story for PM's 'Fairydust.'] Just...thoughts from Yami no Yuugi about himself, Yuki, Mr. Feathers, and...Yuugi. (Mention of shounen-ai.)


Yami no Hikari

By: Neko-chan

  
  


A/N: This is somewhat of a side-story for Pikachumaniac's "Fairydust." Loosely translated, it means "Light of the Darkness." "Fairydust" is an excellent story and you're missing out if you don't read it. ^_~ *shameless plug for PM's fic* Anyway, I DO have PM's permission to write this; and, of course, this is dedicated to her. I hope I don't ruin her story by writing this, though. ^_^;;

DISCLAIMER: *stares expectantly at Black Magician*

BM: Neko-chan doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh!. If she did, she would file a lawsuit against the dubbers for the 'horrific atrosities they have done to an otherwise _great_ show!!' (Her words.) Also be thankful that Neko-chan doesn't own Yu-Gi-Oh! because she would probably have me stop in the middle of an attack to go and cuddle with either Elf Swordsman, Yami, or Yuugi---if not all three. So, rejoice. We are saved.

...Note To Self: Blackmail. Lots and lots of blackmail.

  
  
  
  


~Yami POV~

I don't really like talking about my past and my time in the Sennen Puzzle because I don't remember most of it. In fact, I can barely even remember my own past. Memories come and go, flitting past me at a dizzying rate. I've stopped paying attention to them because---what's the use? They won't feel like mine, anyway.

I guess...

Well, I guess that I actually started _being_ the day that Yuugi solved the Sennen Puzzle. (I know that I always call him the 'other me,' or 'aibou'...but it feels so strange to do so. The other me? Does that mean that there are more 'mes' than myself? It's all so confusing. It's just simpler to call him...Yuugi. That is his name, isn't it?) Before that day, I was drifting in a great nothingness. Not feeling, not knowing, not _being_. I didn't know if I had a past, present, or future. Everything around me was darkness. 

I sometimes think that I was drowning in it.

And then a young boy with the most innocent eyes that I have ever seen was given the Puzzle by his Ji-san...and solved it. I think that this is the reason why I sometimes think of Yuugi as my hikari. I am his dark part, true. But it's actually more than that. Until he came, I was in darkness. Floating... Just...floating. There was no light and there was no hope for me. I had given up.

And then Yuugi came along and he saved me. HE became my light and my hope. He became my hikari. Some say that I became his yami. In a way, that's true. But more than that, he became my hikari. I know that without him, I would be lost.

Over time, we both have grown very close. True, there are some things that we probably don't know about each other, but we still manage to understand each other on a level that no one else has ever managed to acheive.

True...we may often irritate each other...

But we still have the understanding of each other and have the capability to forgive the other. Silly, I know that it is. But that is how the two of us are. True, he can't understand my fascination with dental floss (You'd have to live in ancient Egypt to understand, anyway...), but he does understand why I love Yuki so much.

And it's true. I love Yuki very, very much. He is a white stuffed seal that Yuugi gave to me after his duel with Kaiba. I couldn't understand why Yuugi didn't want to go through with the attack---we would have won, after all---and he couldn't understand just WHY I was willing to sacrifice Kaiba's life.

I was frustrated and vented all of my pent-up anger and confusion on that poor little seal. I'm not really positive---but I think that Yuugi knew this. A little bit later, I found the seal outside of my Soul Room with a note from him.

Yuki means so much to me for so many reasons---and all of these reasons stem from that duel. The seal is probably the very first freely given gift that I have ever received. It was given with the knowledge that even I sometimes needed the comfort of a furry body. And... I think that Yuugi gave me this seal because he knew that deep down inside...I regretted my lost innocence.

Now that I think about it, it souds so cliched.

Lost innocence. I think that 'lost childhood' would suit it much better, though. I cannot remember much of my past---and Yuugi knows this. But I do know that I was never given a normal childhood. I began ruling from a very young age. And that meant that I would have had to leave childhood and all of its happiness behind. It's strange...but I can sense that Yuugi knows this as well.

Yuki means so much to me because of all of these things. And one other thing, as well. It was a gift of love from Yuugi. I sometimes wonder if this is the real reason why I love Yuki so much. Something else to ponder upon while I'm alone, ne?

I'm not the only one who has a soft spot for a stuffed animal, though.

It's silly, but I'm laughing as I'm thinking this. Mr. Feathers. Mr. Feathers is perhaps the rattiest, ugliest, and worn stuffed animal that you'll ever see. And, though we've both lost track of how old it is, Mr. Feathers is still determined to be as bright pink as ever. A bright pink flamingo. Yuugi was given it when he was very young and loves it dearly. Not that I'd ever actually admit it to him, but I love Mr. Feathers almost as much as he does.

Like I said, though----Not that I'd ever actually admit that to him.

Another thing that Yuugi doesn't understand about me is just why I love Black Magician. Over the years (until the day that Yuugi came into my life, anyway) Black Magician was my only friend. He's saved my life countless numbers of times and he has stayed by my side when everyone else has gone. He has always protected me and he has always been there for me.

Besides, I don't think Yuugi has a right to talk. He loves Mr. Feathers as much as I love Yuki. Also, he's dating Anzu.

Anzu is one of my closest friends (if it could even be said that I have friends) and I know that she loves Yuugi very, very much---and has loved him for a long time, as well. Yuugi cares for her deeply, too. And yet...does he love her?

It's probably just wishful thinking on my part...

He means so much to me, though. Am I jealous? Certainly. Without him, I would have nothing. I would BE nothing. Yuugi means everything to me. In so many ways, he is my lifeline to reality. Without him, I would be lost. Probably for forever. And yet...

I want him to be happy.

I just don't know if he really and truly loves her. Like I said before, I know that he cares deeply for Anzu and that she makes him happy... Ra, I'm pathetic. I know that I am. Hanging on empty hopes, waiting---expecting; hoping against hope; against all odds---that maybe he may feel the same way about me. But how could that even come close to being possible? In a way, it makes me feel light, knowing that he's happy with Anzu. And yet... Why do I feel so bitter?

These are the times when I hold Yuki tight and pray to Ra for a dreamless sleep---pray for oblivion, so to speak. I just want to get away from it all... I just want to not _be._ But it is then when Yuki brings me back, standing as a silent testimony to the fact that at least one person would miss me and mourn for me if I was gone.

And that person is the person that I care about the most.

I know that the Black Magician would miss me as well. It's so hard to put into words what I feel, but... Black Magician has been my constant companion for over three thousand years. He, alone, has remained. I think that before hikari, Black Magician gave me the hope and the light that I needed to get through the various trials that I was put through.

I love them both. And yet... And yet... Who do I love more? A hard question, that. One that I don't think I can answer. Demo... That's not true, is it? I've known and I think I've always know which one I love more. Which one is it? Well...

That's a secret.

There's also another thing that I haven't told Yuugi, either. Sometimes, when it's night, I wander around my Soul Room. Yuki is clutched to my chest and I go from door to door, wondering if I'll ever get the chance to open each and every door. Wondering if I even WANT to open each door...

It gets lonely sometimes, in my Soul Room. There's no one to really talk to. Yuugi is usually busy and I don't really want to bother him. He seems so happy most of the time and I hate myself for interrupting his happiness. Interrupting his life, in a way.

But, in the end, he means everything to me...and I realize that I can't help BUT interrupt him. To spend time with him. To talk with him. To just BE with him. He is, after all, my hikari. Yuugi is the light to my darkness and I know that I'll always be drawn to the light.

Silly, don't you think?

Sometimes I wonder if it is my role to always be surrounded by so many people...and yet still be alone. Either that, or I'm being extremely pessimistic and anti-social. For some reason, I have the niggling feeling that Yuugi would agree with the latter.

Sad thing is, I think I would agree with him, also.

Another sad thing: To so many of the others, I show off this unemotional facade. I feel no emotions and I don't CARE about the fact that I have no emotions. I am calm and collected--always. Nothing will ever phase me. Yuugi is the only one who knows otherwise.

I've lost count of how many nights the two of us stay up, just talking. We talk about so many things because I have so many questions about this new world that I find myself in. Questions about lifestyles, about what new advances in technology and in science that have been made (Did you know that this thing called the 'internet' has been invented??), and we also talk about... Well, how we sometimes feel. It was one of those nights when Yuugi told me how much he cared for Anzu.

Just remembering this makes me hold Yuki closer. Why does this make me feel so sad?

It's all so...frustrating sometimes. Knowing that I have to readjust to a new everything, learning everything all over again, knowing that the only person keeping me in this world is Yuugi. Who wouldn't be frustrated and just a little bit scared? (Yes, I am being both frank and not just a _little_ bit sarcastic.)

I know that I've been through so much in my lifetime; I know that I was Pharaoh. But... I can't remember any of it, so what's the point of KNOWING if I can't REMEMBER? And besides that, it's not really very fair, either. Yami no Bakura remembers his past--and he's perhaps one of the most unbalanced people I've ever had the pleasure (or perhaps not...) of meeting. The same could be said for Yami no Malik, also.

The only thing holding me in this world is one very short person. (Oh, if Yuugi knew that I called him short, he would kill me... But what he doesn't know can't hurt him, ne?) He's given me so much. He just doesn't realize that the one thing that he's given me is so very important: Him. Just... Him.

The Darkness can't live without the Light. And he is my Light.


End file.
